Whiskey Lullaby
by Sassybratt
Summary: AU: He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger; And finally drank away her memory. Life is short, but this time it was bigger; Than the strength he had to get up off his knees. Three-shot KagxInuxKik
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I've decided to stop waiting to post stuff until I have more chapters completed. So I'm not sure when I'll update this, but here it is.

Rated for mature content and language.

_Inspired by Brad Paisley's song 'Whiskey Lullaby'._

**Whiskey Lullaby**

It was fucking killing him.

Amber eyes glared at the gold liquid swishing around in his glass. He didn't pay attention to the soft murmur of the crowds around him, or the cautious glances the bartender threw his way. None of it mattered anymore. He only cared for the whiskey as he downed another shot.

It caused the ache in his chest to become a dull throb, and the memories of a dark-haired woman became a blurred haze. His mind was left in a fog and sometimes the alcohol slurred his speech. He didn't really mind any of it though. He had nothing to say that was worth hearing, and nothing to think about that was worth remembering. He was simply there, an empty shell moving through the world with a shattered heart.

"All right, I think you've had enough," the bartender finally said, coming to stand by the broken man.

Inuyasha peered up at him with bloodshot eyes. His silver hair hung knotted around his shoulders, and his clothes were wrinkled and stained. It was obvious to anyone that he had a rough few nights.

With a sigh, the bartender grasped the shot glass out of his patron's hand. Inuyasha growled low in his throat, his eyes shooting daggers at the man. "Don' fuckin' touch it," he demanded darkly in such a tone; it had the bartender pausing in his actions. "Poor me another."

The bartender looked on with pity, throwing a rag over his shoulder. He placed his palms against the black granite of the bar and leaned forward. "I don't know what happened to you, but you've gotta get a hold of yourself. Drinkin' yourself to death ain't the answer."

"Keh," Inuyasha grumbled, lowering his eyes to his empty shot glass. "Says you. You got no fuckin' idea."

He opened his mouth, probably to try and talk some sense into him, but caught a glimpse of someone making their way through the crowd. "No more for you tonight. Your ride's here."

Before Inuyasha could protest, his glass was snatched away and the bartender moved on to another customer. With a groan, the broken man rested his forehead against the cool countertop and willed the darkness to consume him.

"Inuyasha," a feminine voice called tentatively. A gentle hand was placed on his shoulder, and he didn't need to look up to know who it was. He could clearly picture Kagome's worried expression as she looked at him with pitied eyes. "Come on, it's time to go home."

Reluctantly, he stood up from the barstool, cursing all creation for the dizziness that encompassed him. Kagome immediately fitted her arm securely behind him to give him some stability.

"Fuckin' wench," Inuyasha slurred, trying to choose which of the three Kagome's in his vision was the correct one. "I don' need yer help."

She smiled softly in spite of the situation. "Everyone needs help sometimes, Inuyasha."

The two pushed their way through the crowded bar and out into the crisp evening air. They stopped a few times on the way to Kagome's car in order to allow Inuyasha to regain his balance. Once she secured him in the passenger seat of her small, blue bug, she fastened herself in the driver seat and revved the engine to life.

Inuyasha blearily stared out the passenger window as he listened to the silence. The only sound came from the beat of his heart. It taunted him, reminding him that he was still alive, and that the agony he knew would always thud painfully in his chest.

"It n'ver works," he mumbled, just loud enough for Kagome to hear.

She stole a glance at him. "What doesn't work, Inuyasha?"

He closed his eyes for a brief moment. "No matt'r how much I drin', it still hurts."

"Drinking isn't the answer," she tried to explain solemnly. It was something he heard her say many times over the last few months, trying to convince him that going through life in a haze wasn't right.

"It mak's it 'eel bett'r though," he reasoned.

"Inuyasha," Kagome murmured, tightening her hands around the steering wheel. "Time heals all wounds."

"Th'n why th' hell does it still hurt _so fucking much?_" he bellowed, turning to glare at her with smoldering eyes, glazed over with unshed tears. "Why th' fuck did she hav' to do tha' to me, K'gome? Why?"

The young woman bit her lip to hold back her cries. "I don't know," she finally choked out in a heartbroken tone. "But I'm so sorry."

She placed one of her hands over his, squeezing it reassuringly. It didn't help matters any. Inuyasha didn't want her pity. He simply pulled away and turned his eyes back to the passing scenery.

The rest of the car ride was silent save for the pair's breathing. A million thoughts raced through Inuyasha's mind, but with his drunken state, he couldn't comprehend where one ended and another began. It was easier that way, though. It was always easier to make it through the dull days with a bottle of whiskey in his blood. It was his only way to cope.

Kagome pulled up to Inuyasha's apartment building and put the car in park. She walked around to the passenger door and helped him out of the car. He had calmed down since their short, but heartbreaking conversation. He didn't really feel anything anymore. There was only a twinge of pain behind his drunken vision, and it was enough to make him crave another bottle.

Inuyasha sluggishly allowed Kagome to lead him as she draped his arm over her shoulder. He towered over her and weighed much more, leaving her in no position to be carrying a grown man up five flights of stairs. But Inuyasha was too far gone to realize any of this. All his mind could focus on was the numbness that was slowly taking effect and the welcoming darkness that was soon to come.

"Home sweet home," she mumbled as they reached his apartment and she used her key to open the front door. Her voice sounded as if it was coming through a tunnel. "Let's get you in to bed."

Inuyasha vaguely recalled her slipping him beneath the covers and removing his shoes. He blearily saw her disappear through his bedroom door and reappear with a glass of water and some aspirin. He barely felt her touch as she pushed his bangs away from his face and faintly heard her whisper words of comfort in his ears.

"It's going to be okay, Inuyasha," she promised, kissing him on the forehead. "I'm here. Always."

However, to the drunken man, her words didn't mean anything. Nothing was ever going to be okay again. The life he had worked so hard to achieve was over. How could he even begin to fathom his future when it had become so bleak?

Sometime in the night, he woke up to the soft pounding of rain against his window. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth as he tried to swallow. His wearied eyes glanced around the room. Kagome was gone. She must have left shortly after he fell asleep. He didn't blame her. He couldn't count how many times she had stayed the night, worriedly watching over him until the sun rose. Over time, it must have become too much for her.

Inuyasha sighed. With a few hours of sleep behind him, the numbness began to withdraw, and he fervently clawed at it. Survival was minimal without the darkness. His thoughts began to return and memories started to resurface. He clutched at his head, hoping by sheer will he could forget everything related to the heartache.

A groan echoed through the night as he unsteadily rose from bed. He stumbled down the hallway of his apartment, pushing off the walls for support. Booze would be the only cure to the pain he felt with each beat of his heart. He slowly made his way toward the kitchen and opened the cabinet over the stove to pull out a bottle of whiskey. The bronze liquid promised him all his desires.

He slumped down into the kitchen chair and stared at the picture hanging on the wall across from him. There was a large tree blooming with fresh flowers and the sun shined down upon a green meadow. Beneath the tree was a man, twirling a dark-haired woman in his arms. They were smiling.

Inuyasha opened the bottle and gulped down a large sip, allowing memories to fill his mind. For every shot of whiskey, he recounted the events leading up to his heartbreak.

_Her figure adorned with lingerie._

He slammed the bottle down on the table as his mind began to get hazy.

_The tears rolling down her cheeks._

Everything began to bleed together.

_His name a whisper on her lips._

He could vaguely feel the tears running down his face.

_Her hand reaching out for him._

His heart beat a tune of sorrow, playing over and over again. Every time he closed his eyes, an image of her would appear. She was always smiling.

Before Inuyasha realized, the bottle was gone, and the room began to spin. He stumbled to the cabinet again, reaching out for yet another drink, but it was just out of reach. Somewhere along the way, he lost his balance, and the floor rushed up to meet him.

There was no pain as his head connected with the hard tile. His eyes glazed over with tears as the blood began to pool around him. He looked forlornly at the picture hanging on the wall, tracing his eyes over the happy couple who appeared to be from a different lifetime.

A breath shuddered from his lips. He blinked as his vision began to blur. "… I …" He took a deep breath as his lungs began to capsize. "… love …" No longer could he feel his legs and his fingertips tingled until they were numb. "…you …"

By sheer will he wrapped his hand around the empty bottle he had just consumed. Darkness took his vision as a single image stayed frozen behind his eyelids, becoming his final memory.

"… Kikyo …"

She was smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I know I haven't updated anything in a long time, but I finally got around to some writing, so here's the next installment.

Rated for mature content and language.

_Inspired by Brad Paisley's song 'Whiskey Lullaby'_

**Whiskey Lullaby**

**-2-**

Time was at a standstill. Blood pulsed in her ears and her chest rose slowly with each breath, but everything else was simply a blur around her. She couldn't acknowledge that she was sitting in the hospital waiting room, watching as doctors and nurses came and went. There was no way that the air smelled like medicine and the dying.

But she knew in the back of her mind, in reality, that all of this was true.

She was waiting.

It had been hours since she received that phone call. Her sister's hysterical voice screeched through the earpiece, almost incomprehensible through the sobs that shook her words. There were voices in the background, barking commands, as the life of someone she loved hung in the balance.

The rest of the night was a blur. She vaguely remembered getting into her car and speeding toward the hospital, unaware of the speed limit. She recalled how numb her entire body felt, waiting for the reality of it to really sink in. But it hadn't. She was still waiting for the heart-crushing news that would cause her to crumple to the floor in a wail of misery.

Waiting was the worst part.

What was she waiting for? From what little she had been told, the odds were slim. There wasn't much of a chance.

She was waiting for what she already knew.

Clenching her hands into fists slowly, and then releasing them, all she could do was try to recall the last time she had seen her ex-fiancé. It had been months ago, on a warm summer day, when he walked into their home and discovered her doing the unthinkable.

His expression had been crestfallen, and all he could do was stare at her with eyes cold as steel. He didn't say a word, which scared her. He had always been so brash that his silence stung more than words ever could.

She chased after him, ran with everything she was worth. But it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. Her one mistake destroyed everything they had, and even as she called after him and tried to explain her unfaithfulness, she knew it was over.

The last time she saw him was on his motorcycle as he sped away from their future.

And so she waited.

He never answered her calls, no matter how many messages she left. He never answered the door when she stopped by, no matter how late the hour. She would wait on his front porch, wondering and wishing. All the what-ifs that ran through her mind. But it was too late. And she knew that.

Finally, she decided enough was enough. She wasn't going to bother him anymore. He had obviously made his decision, leaving her in the ashes of what used to be an unbreakable bond. She was left alone with the shadows of her mistakes following her through the empty days and nights.

She couldn't recall much of what had transpired since the incident that crushed their very souls. There was work and lonely nights where she tended to have one too many glasses of wine. Her sister vaguely registered in her mind, but it seemed as if she had shut everyone else out.

Shameful.

Her stomach twisted with disgust as thoughts of what she did came to mind. How could she have betrayed the man she loved? How could she have stooped so low as to commit such a moral crime? It was against everything she believed in, and yet she had done it all the same.

The doors to the waiting room opened again, pulling her out of her thoughts. A doctor appeared, his face tired and his eyes speaking before he opened his mouth.

He seemed to lock eyes with the sisters right away, and his expression alone spoke volumes which words could never reach. All at once, her sister crumpled to the ground as her cries echoed in the austere waiting room. People looked on with pity, with mourning in their eyes for someone they didn't even know.

She simply watched her sister's form shake with misery and heartbreak. She didn't even have the courage to comfort her, to pull her into a warm embrace and share the burden of grief. Because it hadn't sunk in yet. Nothing of what transpired over the last several months had really set in.

And so she sat there, watching her sister grieve alone, as she tried to process the one thought she already knew to be true.

Her ex-fiancé, the love of her life, was dead.

And it was all her fault.

-0-0-0-

The house was quiet that night. She sat at the table, eerily still, simply looking out the window. It had begun raining shortly after they returned home. Even the heavens were mourning the tragic tale.

"Kikyo."

She looked up at the whisper of her name, locking eyes with her sister across the room. Kagome stood there looking completely drained. Her eyes were red from crying, her cheeks were flushed, and her hair tangled in a matted mess. It was as if she bore the weight of the world on her shoulders and finally it had become too much.

She sighed, dropping her gaze for a moment to stare at the granite counter top. "Why did you do it?"

It was the question Kikyo had asked herself since the very day. Even she couldn't understand the reasons behind her betrayal. "I don't know," she answered honestly. There was no point in lying, no point in trying to come up with an explanation to excuse her actions.

Kagome bit her lip and nodded slightly. "Do you regret it?"

Her brown eyes turned to stare out the window once more, losing herself within her memories, and reliving the day over and over. "Yes."

Kikyo watched as her sister clenched her hands into fists and squeezed her eyes shut to keep the tears at bay. Kagome had been crying all night, since she had walked into his apartment and seen him in a pool of his own blood.

"I know what you must think of me," she whispered, breaking the silence. "You believe it's my fault that he's dead."

Kagome turned tired brown eyes upon her sister. "It wasn't your fault, Kikyo," she promised, although her words sounded hollow and forced. "His actions couldn't be helped. Believe me, I tried."

A bitter smile crossed her lips. "Do not lie to me, Kagome. Although you wish to rid me of the guilt, you and I both know I was the cause of his alcoholism. In the end, no matter how you look at it, his death ultimately rests on my shoulders."

Her sister was silent. It was all the agreement Kikyo needed. The truth was as plain as day. There was no need to hide from it. She had to face the consequences of her actions, no matter how severe they became.

"I've talked to Sesshomaru," Kagome said then, running a hand through her hair. "He's asked if I could arrange the funeral. Guess the business is more important than his brother's death." She spat out the last part, as if it was venom on her tongue.

Kikyo rested her chin on her palm. "There is much to be done. The flowers, the obituary, the casket. I'll help if you let me."

Kagome only nodded robotically. She sighed and moved to the doorway that led to the rest of the house. "I'm going to bed," she mumbled before disappearing upstairs.

As the late hours continued to pass her by, Kikyo stayed in the dimly lit kitchen, simply staring out into the darkness. Sleep would not claim her tonight, or many nights to come as she would later discover. Instead, she allowed her memories to be her only company for the night, replaying over and over the years in which the world was bright.

-0-0-0-

The room was heavy with despair, Kikyo noticed, as she came down the stairs. There was no cheerful laughter or forced smiles. There was no need to pretend. Her eyes roamed over the crowd of mourners occupying the living room, each dressed in the darkest of black. It was like looking into her very heart.

She smiled wanly at the onlookers while sipping on another glass of wine. Their expressions did little to ease the guilt she felt, and their eyes burned into her very soul. They all blamed her. Denying it would be a lie.

Bowing her head, she slowly made her way into the kitchen where she knew she would find her sister. Kagome was leaning over the sink, staring out into the darkness of the eve. She had stopped crying hours ago, but her pale form and red-rimmed eyes remained as proof of her heartache.

"Hey," Kikyo spoke softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "How are you holding up?"

Kagome bit her lip, choosing not to respond for a few minutes. "I'm not really sure," she finally answered. She furrowed her brows. "Even after today, it still doesn't feel real. Every time my phone rings, I think it's a bar, telling me to come pick him up." She paused and shook her head. "I don't know what to do anymore … My heart, it just hurts…"

"I know," Kikyo whispered brokenly. "I know it hurts, but like you've always told me, time heals all wounds, Kagome."

Her sister turned angry eyes on her. "Don't start spewing that bull crap at me now. At least you knew that he was still out there somewhere, that he was still breathing, and you could find comfort in that. I just lost my best friend in the world, and I can't even hear his voice anymore. I can't touch him or hold him in my arms. I'll never hear his laugh or see his smile…"

Tears came to her eyes then. Kikyo knew it was no longer her place to be. Since her ex-fiancé's death, she had thought of nothing but herself. It was always her heart aching and her eyes crying. She had forgotten that Kagome had been the one to introduce the pair, that Inuyasha had been there for her sister since they were teenagers.

Kagome was hurting far more than Kikyo could ever realize.

As quiet as a breath, Kikyo slipped away from the kitchen. She passed by the crowd of mourners silently and into the night. There was something she needed to do. It wouldn't bring Inuyasha back, but maybe she'd be able to set things right.

-0-0-0-

The world spun around her, causing her to stumble slightly as she made her way down the street. It was late. There were very few cars on the road to see the heartbroken woman in such a state of distress. The cold wind bit into her skin, but by this point she no longer felt it.

Kikyo focused on her destination, determination set in her eyes. She listened to her heels as they pounded furiously against the pavement, ignoring the fact that she was unable to walk straight thanks to the two bottles of wine she had already consumed that evening. It was only another block until she reached the iron gates that would relinquish the pain in her heart. She only had to make it there.

It was all Kikyo's fault.

She did the unthinkable.

She inflicted all of this pain onto the few people she loved.

She fumbled through her clouded mind for some sense of logic, but all that came to her was the pain in her sister's eyes and the heart-wrenching sobs that shook her frame for the last seventy-two hours. With a whimpered cry, Kikyo pushed open the large, iron gates to the cemetery, ignoring the loud screech that followed. Beyond her laid the final resting place of the man who would forever hold her heart. It was all Kikyo's fault he ended up here.

It was time to pay for her sins. She deserved this.

It only took a few minutes for her trip and stumble across the graveyard to the hill where Inuyasha was buried.

_Inuyasha._

A large willow tree overlooked the smooth rock that carried the remnants of his life. She sunk down to her knees, her skin shining like porcelain next to the freshly laid dirt.

Kikyo knew she appeared bedraggled. Her hair was a mess, her make-up was smeared, and her dress was soiled. But it didn't matter. Nothing did.

Not anymore.

_I'm sorry._

She grasped the bottle in her hand tighter, barely registering the fact that she had grabbed it before leaving the house. No one would miss it, surely. As it was in fact the same type of whiskey that her love had been drinking the night he died. She had bought it earlier that day, almost in grave humor. She was mocking herself.

Perhaps, though, in the back of her mind she knew exactly why she bought it.

"You must have hated me," she spoke aloud to the silence of the cemetery. "You must have despised the monster I had become."

She closed her eyes and took a swig, the face of Inuyasha haunting her. His ever endearing smile had twisted into a satisfied smirk.

The world spun. The wind whistled through the branches of the willow as if to speak to her. But she wasn't listening. Not to the trees, not to the thoughts in her head, or to the beating of her own heart.

Only to the bottle that she clenched beside her.

"I was a fool beyond compare to believe our farfetched dreaming, and our wishes to be married," she mumbled, shaking her head with a smile. "We were always to be star-crossed lovers, and nothing more."

A sigh escaped her lips. "You despised me with your last breath, didn't you, Inuyasha?" Her question hung in the air, and she paused, as if she may even get a response.

The bottle was half gone now. Her fingertips had gone numb and she could barely keep her eyes open. She slipped a hand into her purse, feeling the cool metal that patiently waited for her.

"The love I hold for you now is nothing but a hollow emotion."

Her words rang out into the night, swallowed up by nothing.

She laughed solemnly. "Your death weighs on my shoulder. It is my fault."

The object glimmered in her hand under a shred of moonlight.

Kikyo gazed up into the night sky through the branches of the tree. She closed her eyes, feeling a single tear roll down her cheek.

"Remember the feel of my lips against yours…"

Warmth embraced her. The wind whispered in her ear as if speaking her name with forgiveness. She smiled, knowing what was to become of her. She welcomed it, even as she felt the barrel against her temple.

"…for it was real."

A single gunshot rang out through the night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Whiskey Lullaby**

**-3-**

It hurt.

Every breath she took shook her frame to the very core.

Each pounding beat of her heart sent tears cascading down her cheeks.

Her memories were an onslaught, tearing apart her soul with each passing second until she could no longer tell the difference between reality and figments of her imagination.

Only the darkness welcomed her. There no dreams would plague her and no heartache dared to enter. She was safe in the warmth of twilight. It was a place where it didn't hurt so much.

But it only lasted for a few fleeting moments.

Then the rays of sun would intrude on the security of her bedroom. It peered through the slits of the drawn curtains, resting on her face as she cowered beneath the blankets.

She burrowed deeper. Trying desperately to ignore as a new day approached. She attempted to drown out her thoughts, not wanting to remember what day it was or the significance of it.

She simply wanted to forget.

But time would not slow for her deeply aching soul. The world continued to spin and nights continued to turn into dawns. With each tick of the clock, with each passing minute, her heart beat agonizingly against her chest. The sound pulsed in her ears and it took everything in her power not to let out a wail of misery.

Her mind began to awake. Thoughts began to stir. Memories resurfaced. And she heard a heart break. A heart, she regretted to say, that belonged to her. Again and again she relived it. That is how she began each morning.

She now understood real pain.

It was no wonder whiskey had been so tempting for her dear friend. She would have given anything to be rid of the memories tormenting her every thought.

Perhaps one sip wouldn't hurt. One drink. Maybe two. That's all she needed. Just a moment to breathe. To be able to go a minute or so without the constant whir of emotions that threatened to drown her.

She bit her lip. She could already hear his voice in her head, berating her for even thinking such a thing. His voice clearly resonated in her thoughts, as if he were beside her now, calling her an idiot. He would be annoyed, perhaps angry, with his face set in a permanent scowl.

Tears came to her eyes. She opened them and gazed toward the window, her heart skipping a beat. For a second, she thought she saw his silver hair and amber eyes looking back at her. She blinked.

He was gone.

He was never coming back.

She squeezed her eyes shut, loathing where her thoughts were headed.

If only she had done more. If only she had tried harder, gotten to him sooner, stopped his drinking.

If only she hadn't left that night.

Maybe he would still be here.

_Inuyasha._

His name echoed as if she had screamed it, pulsing through her veins with each shaky breath she took. How long had it been since his death? She couldn't recall if it had been days or weeks. She no longer had a semblance of time as she drifted in and out of reality.

She knew she was only getting worse.

No longer did she feel hunger gnawing at her stomach as she often did those first few days. Most times she would simply forget. Now, she was past the point of caring. She didn't really see a reason to. She was simply too drained from heartache.

Suddenly, there was a quiet knock on her bedroom door. She squeezed her eyes shut and receded further beneath the blankets. Her friends' perseverance was strong and annoyingly so. Didn't they understand she wouldn't – _couldn't _ – get out of bed? Didn't they understand that even she wasn't strong enough to handle this?

"Kagome."

Her name sounded strange. The voice who spoke wasn't the one she wanted to hear. The voice she wanted would forever be silent. She would never hear him breathe her name again.

Someone sat down on the bed next to her. "Kagome, you need to get up," the voice spoke gently, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder. "It's almost time to go."

She didn't need the reminder. She had been hoping to avoid this day entirely, hoping that time would stop and she would cease to exist. It was only the other day she had gave him her final farewell. Now they wanted her to relive it while saying goodbye to the only other family she had left.

She simply couldn't. It was too much for her to handle.

"No," she mumbled defiantly. "I can't."

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair to hurt _so_ _damn_ _much._

"You have to," her friend argued softly. "Your sister needs you."

It seemed like a lifetime ago that she opened the door for the news that split her in two. She had still been in the black dress from the night before. Her breath escaped her. Sound seemed to come from under water. Her vision blurred.

And then she was falling.

The hard floor met her as her mind shut down, unable to process the words the officers spoke. She briefly recalled her friend coming to her aid, pulling her into an embrace, crying for her, for Kagome couldn't shed any tears.

She was in complete shock.

"I'm not strong enough, Sango," she finally answered. "I can't do this again."

Her friend pulled the blankets back and slid into bed beside her, wrapping her arms tightly around her and placing a tender kiss to her shoulder. "You are strong enough," she promised softly. "Don't ever doubt that. You're not going to be alone."

But she was alone. She was very much alone. Her friends tried to comfort her, to understand her pain. They simply couldn't. The only one who could make this better, to heal her broken heart, was forever out of her reach.

Only, she knew she had to try.

She rolled over and faced her friend. Agonized hazel eyes met her own. Kagome took a deep breath and searched her soul for any sliver of courage or strength she may still have within her. It was hard for her to see through all the pain and the heartache. But as she looked at her friend, her support system, she somehow found enough.

"Okay," she whispered.

Sango smiled sadly. "Okay."

-0-0-0-

The gods were mocking her.

Cruelty was the only word that could describe it.

They had always said she and her sister were almost identical. They had the same doe eyes, same pouty rose-colored lips, same luscious ebony hair. She had always seen her elder sister as gorgeous, so being compared to her had always been a compliment. It had always made her heart swell.

Today, it was the epitome of a cruel joke.

Although they had never seen eye-to-eye, her sister was perfection in her eyes. She knew all the right things to say and excelled in everything she did. She was everything Kagome wanted to be. As she looked longingly in the mirror, she only saw her sister staring back at her. It made her heart heavy with despair.

She would forever be reminded of this day. She would always see her sister staring back at her.

It made her angry.

Before she could understand what was happening, she shattered her reflection into hundreds of shards, watching as it cracked entirely. Her image was unrecognizable. Her sister was no more. Deep, red blood ran down her knuckles. It reminded her of _him_. Of the way he left her. Of the way they _both_ left her.

"Kagome?"

Sango came running into the bathroom, immediately horrified at the scene. She quickly wet a towel and pressed it around Kagome's hand. Drops of blood trickled into the sink. The crimson was a shock against the white marble.

"Kagome," Sango spoke her name again, urgently this time. Her lips continued to move, but her words were incomprehensible. She pushed her toward the tub, encouraging her to sit on the edge.

Her vision blurred. Choked sobs reached her ears. It was only when the tears fell into her lap that Kagome realized she was crying. Gut-wrenching wails from the deepest part of her heart filled the room.

Her heart was torn in two. Her mind was shredded to nothing. Her soul was burning out.

She was broken.

-0-0-0-

It was time.

She had been dreading it all morning. She had been running from this very moment. Hiding. Praying that she would never have to walk this path again.

But it was simply too much to hope for.

It was time to begin the second hardest day of her life.

It was time to say goodbye to one of her best friends, her family, her sister.

Today, she would say goodbye to Kikyo.

It was hard to take in how perfect the day was. No clouds were present in the sky. The cool breeze of autumn brushed through her hair as she stepped from the car, placing a pair of dark sunglasses over her eyes. She felt a hand on her shoulder and took a deep breath.

The first step was always the hardest.

Pain resonated through each step she took as she became closer to the large willow tree that overlooked her loved ones. It took every bit of strength she had left to simply hold the tears at bay. She had already cried so much. She didn't understand how there were anymore tears to shed.

"Kagome," Sango called.

She had barely registered the small talk between her friends as they walked beside her. The brunette reached over and took her uninjured hand, squeezing it.

"We're here."

Kagome suddenly felt weak in the knees. Her legs could no longer support the weight on her shoulders and she knew she would fall. As if reading her thoughts, an arm wrapped tightly around her waist, pulling her to a man's side. He steadied her.

She didn't have to look up to know who had come to her aid. "It's okay," Miroku spoke, his voice a whisper in her ear. "I'm here."

She gave him a gracious small smile.

She wrapped her arms around herself and squeezed her eyes shut tight. She wanted to be back in her room, curled up within the darkness. It was so much better – _so much safer_ – there.

Swallowing against the lump in her throat, Kagome clung to Miroku as if her life depended on it. She tightened her hold on him, knowing he was her lifeline. Her knees would buckle without his strength.

The aroma of flowers greeted her as she took the first few steps up the hillside. She welcomed the warmth of the sun against her skin and she realized how much she had missed it. Concentrating on these little things kept her moving, distracted from what she was moving toward.

The site she happened upon nearly took her breath away. The beautiful cherry wood of a casket almost glittered under the sunlight. A beautiful bouquet of blue bellflowers rested on top.

Her sister had been named after those flowers. Her heart ached at the thought.

Before she could stop herself, Kagome looked forlornly at the site next to the casket. The dirt was still fresh. It had only been a week since the burial. Grass hadn't had time to grow yet.

She felt dizzy. Miroku held her steadfast, allowing her to lean on him.

A man stood at the head of the casket. She vaguely registered a few kind words from him. He read from a book, spoke of her sister's life, and allowed for a moment of silence. She didn't dare to glance around at the small group of people who had gathered for the funeral.

When it was over, she shook hands with a few people, some she had never met before. They whispered words of condolences as they went, although she couldn't register what they had said.

And then it was just her.

She was left alone to stand next to her sister's casket. She ran her hands over the wood, ignoring as the tears ran down her cheeks.

"Why?" she questioned, a fire burning deep in her stomach, born of anger and distress. "Why did you leave me?"

She had never known her life without her sister. Kikyo was older than her by a couple of years. She had been her role model. She had been perfection in her eyes.

And now she was gone. The woman that she thought so highly of had become weak. Had left her alone for her own selfish reasons.

And she hated her for it.

"What am I suppose to do now?" she asked her, knowing she would never get a true response. "How could you think that I could make it through this without you?"

She slowly sank to her knees, leaning her head against the final resting place of her sister.

Kikyo had been the only person who could understand the immense heartache she was going through. She was the only other person who knew how important Inuyasha was to them. How important he was to her.

And she left her alone with no one.

Her frame shook as she cried. She wiped her cheeks frantically, trying to erase the tears, but they never stopped. Her vision blurred and her throat stung as she howled in pain, desperately demanding an answer as to how she was to go on.

She cried until her voice became hoarse and her chest ached. She pounded the earth with her fists. Anger and torment flooded through her veins as she continued to cry to the heavens.

"Why?!"

It was the only word she could speak. It was the only question that she needed answered.

Hours must have passed before she finally settled down. A gentle breeze blew through the branches of the willow. She looked up into its leaves, her tears long since dried and her strength depleted.

There was no point in going on. She was finished.

She was done.

"It's okay," she mumbled, a sad smile on her lips.

It was okay because that meant she could see them again. It meant that she would no longer have to live in this limbo. Unable to move forward, but unable to be stuck in the past.

"_No, it's not."_

She wasn't sure where the voice came from, but she instantly knew it was his.

"_Keh. Idiot. I want you to live."_

"Easy for you to say," she grumbled. She vaguely realized there was no one else in the clearing with her, and toyed with the idea that maybe she had gone crazy.

However, she knew the words rang true. That even though Inuyasha was too weak to survive his heartache, he would want her to continue to live. To be happy.

"You're so stubborn," she muttered playfully.

She sighed. The only condolence she had was the thought that her sister and her best friend were together, wherever they may be. That Kikyo had followed him in death. That they were happy to finally be together.

They were at peace.

"Kagome."

She looked over to see Sango and Miroku walking up the hillside.

They had waited for her. They allowed her to grieve and be angry and cry out until she was done. And then they came for her.

"Are you okay?" Sango asked hesitantly.

Kagome shook her head. "No," she answered, looking at them with a sad smile. Dark days loomed ahead of her and she knew some would hurt more than others. It was a path she didn't want to go down. However, the right path wasn't meant to be the easiest. "But," she mumbled, biting her lip. "I think I will be."

Miroku held out his hand. She placed hers in his and suddenly knew her words spoke true.

She was not going to turn to whiskey as they had done. She wasn't going to leave others behind because of a moment of weakness.

No. She was going to be okay.

She wouldn't succumb to what her loved ones had.

A whiskey lullaby.


End file.
